DaVinciFreedom

I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. (Psalm 77:1-2) ............................................ A journal chronicling my struggle as a woman, to find my way out of an abusive relationship, and to find myself again.

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Location: Georgia, United States

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Unhappy Camper

I am not a happy camper. Actually, going camping right now would make me happy. Just to get away from it all for a while. Dale is house- and pet-sitting for Tracy and Steven while they take Zada to Chicago. They left Thursday and will be home Monday. I went to Gainesville last night to take some stuff to Dale, and almost as soon as I walked in the door when I came home, I got a call from the Helen PD. Abby got arrested for shoplifting. She and Laura got caught at Betty's. They had candy, gel pens, White-Out and permanent markers (for sniffing) and a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. So, she is charged not only with shoplifting but also with underage possession of alcohol. Lovely, just lovely.

I go to Betty's all the time, and they know me, and know Abby is my kid. I'm going to take her down there Monday and make her apologize. But she also has to go to court over this, and I imagine they will give her probation. I wonder if I can get them to tack on some community service, too?

I am at my wit's end with Emily and Abby. I've already raised one family, and they are all fine and good, if somewhat flaky, people. I never had any problems like this with any of them. Oh, they weren't perfect, but it seems the trouble they got into was just normal teenager stuff. This is very different. I'm the same mother, so why are these kids so different? Is it genetic? The others aren't Dale's, after all. Mike was no great shakes as a husband, but he was a good Daddy when he was around, and law-abiding and didn't do drugs. Smarter than Dale, too, although Emily and Abby, as well as the others, all have very high IQs. So, what is it? We were poor when the others were kids, too, and they didn't go around stealing stuff.

One difference is that we were Mormons for most of their childhood, and that ended when E & A were still babies. We weren't always the best of Mormons, but most of the time I certainly tried. Travis, Tyler and Tracy always got up very early to go to seminary classes before school every day, and we had the missionaries at our house all the time. God, I remember their teenage years with such fondness! Always tons of kids coming over, Travis going fishing, Tyler starting the environmental club at Gainesville High, Tracy winning many debate tournaments. Not that there weren't bad times. There were, especially after Dale left, and when we moved back to Louisiana for a time. But I guess the core values were there, whereas E & A grew up during the worst time of my mental illness, saw their Dad smoke pot all the time, and took a lot of ribbing from the older kids, who thought E & A were very spoiled. I guess they were. We had money when they were little kids, and they lived in a fine house with many luxuries. Losing that, instead of never having had it in the first place, must have hurt a lot. It sure hurt me, and I'm an adult.

The divorce had to have hurt, too, especially Dale's affair. Abby will never forgive him for that, for the night he walked out and left her sobbing. But the older kids went through mine and Mike's divorce, too. I hid so much from them, though, especially my emotions. Then, too, they had to deal with the death of their beloved little sister, their Aunt Amy and their cousin Shannon, and I don't really know what could be harder for a child.

I just don't know. I'm so tired of it all. I talked to Dr. Connell Thursday, and told him that Abby had reminded me that my deadline for kicking Dale out was the end of September. She wants so badly for him to be gone. But now that Dale's case is before a judge, it really shouldn't be long before we get a court date and get all of this resolved, and Dr. Connell said to tell Abby that my condition was that "if nothing has happened by Sept. 30, I will make him leave" but that something now has happened, the judge should set a date soon, and it would be counter-productive, not to mention making all this agony pointless, if I was to make him go now.

So, that's where it is today. Oh, and Emily's probation officer called and said she would ask the judge if Emily can get an early release. I hope it happens, and before Oct. 17, so I can take her with me to see Cosy Sheridan at Julianne's. Who knows? Maybe it will help them both more than I can hope for.

God, I love them so. Why isn't it enough?

Maybe I should become a Witness after all. Obviously church made a difference. Well, something did, anyway.

G'night.

PS: Dale has the van in Gainesville, so I am driving Steven's car, which is a stick shift. Fun! I'd forgotten just how much fun my little GEO was to drive. Also, Zada got me a beautiful magenta and purple silk sari, henna for doing mehendi, lots of jangly blue bracelets, and a gorgeous shawl. Sunday was a very good day.

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February 11, 2010 at 12:12 AM  

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