I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. (Psalm 77:1-2) ............................................ A journal chronicling my struggle as a woman, to find my way out of an abusive relationship, and to find myself again.

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Location: Georgia, United States

Monday, September 13, 2004

Abby Gone

Abby is in the hospital. She got grounded and came unglued, and asked me to take her "somewhere, anywhere, just away from here." She also said that she wished every night that she wouldn't wake up in the morning. I told her to tell me what she wanted me to do, and she just kept saying she didn't care, but to do something. I asked her if she felt she needed to go to the hospital, and she just kept saying, "I don't care." So, the last of the Farrars has succumbed. I took her to Northeast Georgia Medical Center, and from there she was taken to
Riverwood. I talked to her this evening and asked her if she'd like me to try and get her sent back here to Laurelwood, and she said no, she thinks Riverwood is nicer and she likes it. Now I've got to figure out how to get down there and take her the rest of the stuff she needs. It's mid-month, and that means the money is all gone. I'm going to ask at her church if they can help us with gas money so we can go see her. She doesn't want Dale to come, but I really don't like the idea of driving through Atlanta alone. I am so very tired of it all.

Dale says he talked to his attorney today and was told that now that his case was before a judge it would be "20-30 days" before we'd know of the court date. 20-30 days goes beyond my self-imposed deadline, and that puts me in a quandary. What if it is not 20-30 days, but 40-50? 60? 3 months? Can I really manage another month, even? Should I? Oh, I know what my advisers would say, but what do they know of my life? What do they know of not having enough money for gas to go visit my girls? Of not having a working washer or vacuum cleaner? Of not having enough money for food to last each month?

Saturday was such a good day. Deitra came to visit, with her Jack Russell, Sadie. She's looking for a playmate for Sadie, so we went to the animal shelter, and I found out that Sabbath had been adopted. Then we went to the co-op and stayed and talked to Vicki for a while. Deitra has some new photos she brought, and they are beautiful. I hope she sells them all. Then to La Cabana for lunch, Deitra's treat. Then I had to come home and get ready to go to the PCG meeting at Laura's. It was so good to see everyone! Dinner was scrumptious, and we watched a film, 'Guns and Greed' about the School of the Americas. Very unpleasant film, but necessary information. I read an article from Peaceful Tomorrows commemorating this third anniversary of 9/11, and a poem. It was sort of strange to do something as a part of the group, but felt good, too. The only bad thing was that Lorraine was there, which apparently no one had been expecting, and lots of old feelings bubbled up, but I didn't let it bother me much. Everyone was talking about what they were doing for the Kerry campaign, and I wish I could be involved in that, at least a little.

But today was hard. There are no kids in the house! I slept a lot, again trying not to let having no smokes get to me. Now it's late and I'm awake, thinking of how in the world I can get to Riverwood to see Abby. I have to go to the school, too, and get her work. I could do it, if Dale and I didn't both have appointments at the pain clinic in Habersham Wednesday, but I don't think it would be wise to miss that. I already had to reschedule my app't with the opthamologist that was supposed to be today, and I also have an app't with Dr. C on Thursday, and it's too late now to call Logisticare for a ride.

Guess I'll go see if I can beat the crap out of the computer at Scrabble.



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