I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. (Psalm 77:1-2) ............................................ A journal chronicling my struggle as a woman, to find my way out of an abusive relationship, and to find myself again.

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Location: Georgia, United States

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Good and bad, bad and good

I miss my girl. Is that fair to say, since I'm the one who was instrumental in her leaving? Yes, I am second-guessing myself. I hope I will feel better about this once she's out of RYDC, 'cause right now I'm plagued with guilt. I fear for her, and wonder every minute of the day if she's ok. I hope she's eating well, sleeping well, and not too afraid of what the future holds.

We went to see her Sunday. She looked good, gave us big hugs, and cried to go home. She laughed a lot, too. She was very emotional, which is to be expected. She wasn't the only one we saw in the visiting room crying. She has met a few people, and has even learned some of the tricks. Of course they took all of her jewelry, including her new tongue ring, and someone showed her how to break a small plastic bristle off her brush to put in the hole to keep it from closing up. She kept saying she wanted to go home, and at that point, if it had been possible, I might have snatched her up and taken her. My baby. In jail. At least the place is new and clean. Small consolation, for her or me.

She called last night too. It was a very brief call, but she sounded good, only a little bit sad. Mostly right now she is sad about missing homecoming. She also wants me to call a friend of hers who was supposed to get some gossip for her -- something about the boy she likes. I finally wrote myself a note to do it tomorrow. Hopefully she'll call again soon. Hopefully she'll be out of there soon.

Abby is sick. Seems like a bladder or urinary tract infection. I called her doctor and asked if she'd call in a scrip for antibiotics to the drugstore, but no go. Dammit. She's got an appointment for Friday, but she's in pain NOW. Grr.

When we were at the courthouse in Dahlonega Friday, we met another couple who were there with their daughter, also from White County. The girl and Emily have lots of acquaintances in common, and since we were there for hours, we had lots of time to talk and get to know one another. The parents are from New York, but like us, now call North Georgia home. Dale and Danny got to talking about computers and cars, and Danny mentioned that his computer needed fixing, and Dale told him the door on our van needed fixing. Sunday evening, Dale went to their house and they both tried and failed to fix things. They'll try again.

Today they called and invited us to go out to eat. That was such a treat! We went to Glenda's, which has the best salad bar in town. Danny and Joann talked nonstop! It's sometimes hard to know who to look at! They're a bit younger than we are, but we got along very well, and there was never a lull in the conversation. During dinner, Joann slipped me a twenty-dollar bill. Not that they're much better off financially than we are, but they said they got an unexpected check today, and wanted to share with us. Oh, man. I almost cried. Of course I've done things like that for other people, but it always gets me when someone does it for me. We went to their house later, and talked about a few small businesses Danny is trying to set up with, get this, a settlement check that Joann is waiting for. He is hoping that I'll be able to do some of the typing work, and has something in mind for Dale, too. It wouldn't be much money, but every little bit helps. Good people. We didn't meet under the best of circumstances, but looks like we've found some new friends.

We went to DFACS earlier, to talk to someone about the program they're getting our family into. We will have more home visits, Abby will see a counselor of her own, and we'll have a counselor on call 24/7. Wow. I'm very pleased. Dale will be in an anger management class once a week.

Also, yesterday, I went to the co-op, and found out that some of my work will be going to St. Simon's for a conference there. Vicki will of course price things higher for this event, so maybe I'll make some money. I'll have about 20 pieces of jewelry in the show.

Good and bad, bad and good. Today, mostly good.



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